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Smiling mad, he's so happy

Super Mega Highly Political BoB and the Debate

While BoB's escape pod was being repaired, he decided he needed something to do. He remembered he was running for president under the B.I.Z.Z party, and he hadn't been invited to any debates. This got BoB mad, and he decided he'd have to have a debate.*

*For the purposes of this BoBlog, dialogue has been color-coded.

 

He got a stage together, and put out a bunch of folding chairs, before he remembered he'd need an audience. He scribbled out a message in crayon on some pieces of paper, and ran around handing them out. Once all the flyers were handed out, he ran back to his stage, and dragged a box of costumes slightly behind the stage.

"Celliri, can ya be a moderator four BoB'z debate?" BoB asked into his watch. "Candidates can't be moderators," said Celliri. "BoB nose dat, dat why BoB not da moderator!" BoB yelled. "Candidates can't be moderators." "BOB NOSE DAT!" "Candidates can't be moderators." "BOB. NOSE. DAT. DAT. WHY. BOB. NOT. MODERATOR!" "Candidates can't be moderators." BoB suddenly understood what Celliri was trying to say. "FINE, BE CANDIDATE, AND MODERATOR! BOB NOT CARE!" BoB yelled, as he set up another podium, and wrote in crayon on it. He set up a video camera, and put it on a delay of five minutes until it took video. BoB strolled back onto the stage, and checked his watch.

He heard someone coming, and ran off again. He put on a security outfit, and ran up to the person. "Bag check security BoB here! No bags? Go on through, and take a seat! NEXT!" BoB realized there was nobody else, and ran back to the podium, and put a suit on over the security outfit. "Thirty seconds!" Celliri called. BoB got to the podium just as Celliri started talking about the debate. "BORING! BOB KNOW ALL ABOUT DIS! GET ON TO DA PEPLEZ YELLING!" BoB interrupted.

"Mister BoB, what platform are you running on?" asked Celliri. "Platform? Wat dat? Ya mean dis stage? BoB not running now, but BoB could run on dis platform," BoB said, and started jogging in place. "Let me rephrase that. Where do you stand on the issues?" "What Issues? BoB didn't know BoB was standing on any issues!" BoB said, and jumped back.

"Never mind. Let's get on to the questions then. How do you feel about the state of the economy?" "BoB didn't know dare was a state called economy. Do dat make 51 uv den now? OH, wait, you mean how da economy doin? It bad, BoB guess it bad? Maybe?" "Well then Mister BoB, what will you do to fix the economy?" "Make everything run on BoBucks! Den BoB could buy out Trump!" BoB said.

Suddenly, Evil BoB was there, with a cat glued to his head. "Did somebody say Trump?" asked Evil BoB.  

"We now have two candidates... one just appeared out of nowhere, but I guess we have to go with it," said Celliri.

"So then BoB...s. How will we got our jobs back from overseas?" Celliri asked. "Well..." BoB started, but was interrupted by Evil BoB. "YOU ALL KNOW IT NOT REALLY OVERSEAS! Its the Mexican Government, and they just BRAINWASHED EVERYONE INTO BELIEVING THEM! The only corse of action is building a wall, and if that don't work, BLOWING MEXICO OFF THE FACE OF THE EARTH! Did you know there was a time when Mexico didn't exist as a country? Those were probably the best days in the universe! So now, If I'm elected president, let's MAKE MEXICO NONEXISTENT AGAIN!" said Evil BoB.

"But dare were a time when da usa didn't exist, so yer point iz... Wat?" BoB said. "Both of you, stop arguing. Evil BoB, let's say you're wrong about Mexico brainwashing everyone-" Celliri started, but was interrupted by Evil BoB. "BOB WILL HAVE YOU KNOW THAT EVIL BOB IS NEVER WRONG, YOU FOOL. And when Evil BoB is elected president, anyone who says otherwise will die a slow and painful death. Then we can MAKE THE USA GREAT AGAIN!" "Yes, Evil BoB that is very nice, but let's pretend you ARE wrong, impossible as it may seem, and say the jobs are in China? How do we get them back?" "Why, we just BLOW THEM OFF THE MAP!" Evil BoB yelled. "Iz dat how ya deal with everything?" BoB asked. "Why yes! And If you don't like it I can-" "Blow BoB off da face uv da earth, so BoB'z heard."

"So BoBs, what do you think we do about gun control?" Celliri asked. "BoB not know much about gunz. BoB only know dat when BoB pay in BoBucks, peplez with guns chase BoB and yell at BoB. And when BoB visit different planets, things with gunz chase BoB and yell thingz, until POWPOWPOW! BZZZZZZZT! FEFGFNHGBRTYIUJHRUOIYFGDFRHKYUHNBVAROIGLE! Things explode!" BoB said. "Everyone should have a gun, except for Mexicans, so they could shoot the Mexicans! And once every Mexican is dead, they all have to give up the right  to have a gun, because then they might turn on Evil BoB!" yelled Evil BoB.

"What do you think we should do on the education system?" Celliri asked. "BoB think everyone should have a free education, cause most people iz only az smart az BoB, and apparently dat a bad thing." BoB said. "Nobody should be educated at all, because then they might oppose me! Those who want to be educated, can come to my Evil BoB Academy, where they can pay lots of money to be educated! We should also cut down taxes for the rich, and raise them for the poor, so that only the worthy get educated! Oh, and if anyone is a Mexican, they can't get in, even if they are rich! In fact, I changed my mind. At Evil BoB Academy™, there is a free class everyone can take... SHOOTING MEXICANS!" Evil BoB yelled. "Sir, if you mention killing Mexicans again, I will have to make you leave."

"And now for my last question of this debate... how do either of you plan on dealing with illegal aliens?" asked Celliri. "And here it comez..." BoB muttered. "by KILLING THEM ALL!" shouted Evil BoB. "Yup, BoB knew it was coming..." BoB said. "Sir, I warned you. Leave now, or I will be forced to call Bag Check Security BoB on you!" Celliri yelled. "I don't see any security around, you stupid computer," said Evil BoB. BoB tore off  the shirt he was wearing, reveling the security uniform underneath. "Ooooh, BoB'z always wanted to do dis..." BoB said, and tackled Evil BoB. Evil BoB pressed a button on his watch, and disappeared.

"Well then, you still haven't answered the question BoB," said Celliri. "Wat was da question?" BoB asked. "How do you plan on dealing with illegal aliens." "Alien? Dat remind BoB of sumthin... THIS DEBATE IS NOW OVER, GOOD BYE!" BoB said, and turned his video camera off.

He started running back to his escape pod, when he noticed the one spectator was following him. He slowed down, and the person caught up to BoB. "So, who ya gonna vote for?" BoB asked. "Out of all the candidates there, I'd say the person at the empty podium." "Wha... Celliri? But she not even answer a question! Come on, out of BoB or Evil BoB, who you vote four?" BoB asked. "I guess I'd vote for you then," said the person. "Good! Good choise. BoB thinks someone tried to get rid of whole races of people before... what was dat jerkz name? Hider? Hilter? BoB don't remember, sumthin with a H in it." BoB said, as he unlocked the doors on his escape pod. "Well anyway, good choise picking BoB. Make sure ya vote BoB on election day!" BoB said, as he stepped into his escape pod. The door shut, and the person stood there staring for a second.

After about thirty seconds, BoB stuck his head back out and said: "You better vote BoB, cause dis here a time machine. BoB can just keep comin back, until ya do vote for BoB." BoB said, and then shut the door again. a few seconds later, and there was a huge wheezing noise as the box began to fade. The last thing the person outside heard was BoB talking to himself, saying: "Why it look so different in hear? Oh yeah, dat right! It got repaired! Ohh it look so cool! Actually... on second thought... BoB don't like it." The box was gone, but the wheezing continued for a few seconds.

 

BoB's new escape pod interior will be described next time in: BoB And the Kautionioddities.

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