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Smiling mad, he's so happy

BoBlack Friday

Last week as you recall, BoB asked his computer system (that is able to think for itself) to go to a place with nice fresh air. This apparently failed, and BoB put a little pine tree air freshener around his neck.

BoB stepped outside the escape pod doors and saw... a tiled bathroom wall. BoB took a step further outside, and saw he was in a bathroom. BoB ran outside the bathroom, and saw that he was in some store. BoB ran to the automatic sliding doors, got outside, and looked at the sign. BoB gasped, and ran back into what the sign said was Walmart. BoB ran back into the bathroom his escape pod, closed the door, replaced the little pine tree air freshener where it belonged, and checked the date on an iPad on the control console. It said that the date was November 24th, 2015. This reminded BoB of something, so he searched on google. "AHA! Back Fry day iz in two dayz! But wait...it woodn't be friday then..." BoB said. "BoB'll juzt wait too dayz, and get sum good stuff!" BoB said.

BoB suddenly heard a knock on the doors, and went towards them. "Hello?" BoB called out, keeping the door closed. "Iz ya a scary monster come to eat BoB?" BoB asked. "Is that stall taken?" asked someone from outside. "What?" BoB said, and swung the door open sticking his head outside. BoB saw the bathroom was packed full of people, and the person who had knocked thought his escape pod was a bathroom stall. "Yeah, it iz taken! NOW GO AWAY!" BoB yelled and slammed the door.

"BoB won't stay here four two dayz!" BoB said, and his escape pod hovered in the air. "BYEBYE, SUCKERZ!" BoB yelled, and flew his escape pod out the wall. "Oopz, rong button," BoB said, and hit a different button. "Celliri, take BoB to Black Fry day in 2015, one hour before they open," BoB said into the little microphone. There was no response, so BoB repeated himself. There was still no response, and BoB remembered that after using the emergency take off button, his automated computer system couldn't do anything for another 24 hours. "Oh, datz right! BoB have to fly it BoB'z self!" BoB said, and pressed the dematerialize button.

"WAIT! COME BACK!" BoB heard someone shout, so he turned on the invisible security camera, and watched on his iPad. BoB saw that the person who had mistaken his escape pod for a bathroom stall was outside, after he ran out the hole in the wall BoB's escape pod made.  "COME BACK MY MAGICAL FLYING TOILET!" the person yelled. "DON'T DEMATERIALIZE, COME BACK!" they yelled as they grabbed on to the outside, because it was still solid. The person dematerialized with the escape pod because they were holding on, and BoB got mad. "GET OFF DA SCAPE POD BEFORE BOB KICK YA OFF!" BoB yelled. When the person said nothing, and tried to open the doors, BoB got really mad.

BoB walked over to the doors, and swung them open suddenly. The person couldn't hang on, and fell off, screaming curses as they fell towards the bottom of the strange tube of storm clouds that BoB's escape pod was surrounded by. "WELL, BOB THOUGHT YA WANTED THE DOORS OPEN! WELL, NOW THEY OPEN!" BoB yelled out the doors. The person vanished from sight, and BoB closed the doors. "Now, BoB gotta try and fly towards da inside of dat Walmart on November 25th, at 5:30 P.M." BoB said, and pulled on a joystick on the control panel. BoB felt the whole inside of his escape pod tilt, and figured he was using the right joystick. BoB kept pulling the joystick, and pushing buttons randomly, until he pulled on a lever with a sticky note with "BrAKe" written on it. BoB figured he must be about the time he wanted, so he pushed the rematerialize button, and his escape pod started wheezing.

BoB opened the doors, and stepped outside. BoB saw the store was dark, and figured that was a good sign. BoB turned around, saw that the doors were not that far away, and that every employee was outside, trying to stop people from killing other people cutting in line. "KEEP CALM, JUST 30 MINUTES UNTILL THE STORE OPENS!" yelled one of the employees through a mega phone. "Half an hour? Dat closer dan BoB got to BoB'z destination time before!" BoB said, then thought about what he should do. BoB was afraid some crazy shopper would think his escape pod was for sale, and try and take it. BoB had to hide is somewhere, but how? BoB would have just flown the escape pod somewhere else, but people would have heard him take off, and he figured the employees would throw him out. BoB ran off to where the arts and crafts stuff was, got some supplies, and ran back to his escape pod. 25 minutes later, he was done, and his escape pod was decorated like a photo booth. 

"FIVE MORE MINUTES!" an employee yelled, and BoB ran away after grabbing a cart, so he wouldn't get trampled. BoB ran off towards where the crockpots were, and heard a herd of Black Friday shoppers coming his way. Once the first ones came into view, he  jumped into the crowd, and grabbed a crockpot. He ran off, but someone tried to take his crockpot out of his hands. "What do you need a crockpot for?" said the person. "Uh, for kookin BoB'z crockz in, duh," BoB responded, and pulled the crockpot away from the other person. "Oh, dat remindz BoB, BoB gotta get sum crock shooes later too!" BoB said. "But first, da high priority itemz!" BoB said, and took off towards the electronics area. First thing BoB grabbed was a new iPad, so he could use it in his escape pod. Next, he grabbed one of every Skylander, Lego Dimensions pack, and Amiibo (including the modern Mario). Just for grabbing the Modern Mario, the Amiibo collectors chased after him. BoB also grabbed a Wii U, and then ran out of the electronics section.

BoB stopped for a quick detour in the auto aisle and got some stuff to repair his DeLorean. The other shoppers were rapidly gaining on him, and BoB was afraid he couldn't outrun them. BoB pushed on his cart as fast as he could go, and jumped in his cart. Unfortunately for BoB, the person behind him copied him, and he was in his cart, chasing after BoB. BoB's cart was going down the aisle with the cleaning products, so BoB grabbed a mop, and turned, so he could jab the other person, but they had already grabbed a mop, and their mops met in mid air. BoB tuned his head, and saw a turn was coming up. BoB timed it just right, and pushed off the wall with his mop. His cart turned, but once again, the other person copied BoB."OH, so ya want dis to be like a chariot fight in ancient Rome? Fine! BoB was dare! BoB has much more experience with that than you!" BoB yelled. BoB continued jabbing at them with his mop, and turned when necessary.

BoB stuck his mop down in front of the other person's cart, which caused them to flip. "HA!" BoB yelled, and turned around. BoB saw he was entering the shoe aisle, and got ready to get his pair of Crocs. BoB's cart whizzed by, and he grabbed them. "YES!" BoB yelled triumphantly, but then noticed his cart was slowing down. The crowd had almost caught up to BoB, so BoB jumped out, and ran towards the checkout lane. Suddenly, something whizzed past his ear, and buried itself in the wall. BoB saw it was a kitchen knife. BoB looked behind him, and saw that most of the crowd now had kitchen knives to throw at him.

BoB abandoned his plan of checking out like a normal person, and dashed towards his escape pod, because he really needed to escape from this situation. He reached a hand in his pocket, threw down some money, and said: "Employeeze, dis should pay four it all!" BoB reached into his pocket again, and got out the remote control keys. He pressed the "door open" button, and got in as the doors swung open. He immediately pressed the door close button, and the doors swung closed. He activated the invisible security camera, and saw people throwing knives at the escape pod. Suddenly, someone was showing up on the camera, and pounded on the doors. "You're 15 cents short!" yelled a security guard. BoB suddenly recognized who the security guard was. "Mr.Reallyangryfornogoodreasonmeaniepantz? Iz dat you?" BoB asked. "OH my god! It's that thing!" Mr.Reallyangryfornogoodreasonmeaniepantz yelled. BoB pressed the dematerialize button, and heard knives clatter to the floor.

"Where too next?" BoB asked himself. "Wait! BoB remember! BoB was going to October 21st, 4:29 P.M!*" [*remember that this takes place before the last paragraph of the BoB to the Future BoBlog] BoB said, and tried to fly the escape pod. He rematerialized it, and said to himself: "Dat was hard wurk." "You could have asked me to fly it." said BoB's computer system. "Why didn't ya tell BoB dat?" BoB asked. "You did not ask," said the computer.  "Don't be all logic al on BoB! And BoB thought ya were in sleep mode!" BoB yelled. "I was, but it was only for two hours," said the computer. "But da instuctun manual say 24!" BoB said. "The instruction manual is wrong," replied the computer. "Whatever," BoB said, and walked towards the doors. He opened them, then immediately closed them. "What is wrong?" asked the computer system. "It STINKZ out there!" BoB yelled, and put the air freshener around his neck.

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