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Smiling mad, he's so happy

BoB returns to the Future (Part 3)




Today, November 8th, is the most important day most people reading this will ever be alive for. It determines who controls this country, and what will happen in the future. It determines whether we have robots patrolling the streets, shooting everyone who is different, or not. It determines if a racist cheeto man has a time machine to ruin the universe with. It controls who lives and who dies in the future, and how many of each there are. So before you vote today, read BoB's blog, and see what happens.

"Yer gonna execute BoB before bragging? Dat not sound like Frump. How iz ya even alive after a hundred yearz anyway?," BoB asked. "I was elected president in 2016, and put all my billions, which is just an amazing amount of money, but it changes by the day, into finding something to keep people alive longer. A couple of years after I was elected they finished a machine, so I signed an executive order that I would be president forever. And now, even 100 years later, I'm still the greatest president ever," Frump said. "How come yer not blown off the face of da planet by now den?" BoB asked, inching away from the Frumpbots. "I promised the leaders of countries the same machine that my scientists found to keep people alive if they would just hand over leadership of their country to me. It was the greatest deal ever, just the greatest deal. Now I rule the whole world! Every country has a wall around it, even islands! China had one already to start! I built a whole wall around the planet just to keep illegal aliens out!" Frump yelled.

"Wat'z in yer safe Frump? How do ya know it's the greatest scientific discovery? Ya know nothing about science, or anything really," BoB said, moving in front of some sort of control panel. "Frumpbots, hold that thing," Frump said, and a Frumpbot grabbed BoB from the back. "The things held in that safe had some sort of new energy, which the greatest scientists analyzed. They managed to make that same kind of energy, and they time traveled. They're working on a a time machine now, so I can fix the past bigly, by being in charge of everything. The past was a disgrace. DISASTER!" Frump yelled. "In fact, this time machine is powered by that energy, which seems to make it smaller on the outside," Frump said. "Dat belongz to BoB actually. See, dat why BoB'z come here in da first place. So if ya could hand it over, den BoB can get on with stopping ya a little faster," BoB said, slowly reaching for his remote in his pocket.

"It's your property? Why do I care? I've changed the laws bigly since I was elected. Now any law that doesn't benefit me is gone. The president has absolute power because of one of my executive orders. I can do whatever I want!" Frump yelled. "Wher'd ya build all da Frumpbots frum? Who let ya get away with dat?" BoB asked, turning his remote on. "The Frumpbots are built right here in the United States of Frump, because I brought back jobs! They're mass produced to be police officers, and come with thousands of ways to kill you. But some are charging docks for the machine that keeps people alive. People will step into one for the first time, and since only the people I have decided are worthy enough to live for hundreds of years will have one, the machine will close up on them, and they will have no choice but to serve me as a scientist. They can't ever rebel, because their weapons are programmed to not fire on me," Frump said.

"Lord-president-Trump-sir," said a Frumpbot that had appeared on a screen in the wall. "It-is-done. Research-has-been-completed-you-are-free-to-fly-your-machine-for-the-first-time." "I'm 'free to fly?' Don't you dare act like you can tell me what to do! SELF DESTRUCT!" Frump yelled at the screen. "I-am-sorry-sir. I-will-self-destruct. I-hope-my-destruction-shall-make-America-greater-again," said the Frumpbot, before it exploded. The screen turned off as what was left of the smoking orange metal fell over.  Trump reached for a button. A column rose from the floor, with a console around it like BoB's old escape pod interior. The inside of the column inside the glass glowed a goldish orange color. The column screwed itself into the ceiling, and a humming noise started. "Now, I will make the past great again!" Frump yelled, reaching for a lever.

"Yeah, ya could do dat, but BoB don't recommend it," BoB said. "Why not? What are you going to do to stop me?" Frump asked. "Well, BoB'z remote here has a lazer, and becuze ya were walking around talking so much, ya didn't notice BoB had cut yer Frumpbot in half, and whatever dis machine wuz behind it," BoB said, and kicked over the remains of the Frumpbot that had  been holding him. "Let'z see, it sayz dat dis wuz... oh very important. All da thingz in yer building wuz controlled by dis. Including..." BoB said, and opened the safe. "Yer safe," BoB said and grabbed the escape pod pieces in there. "Dat wuz pretty stupid of ya to make yer safe controlled by a single computer. DIZASTER!!!!!!!" BoB yelled. 

"Frumpbots, execute him!" Frump yelled. "System-malfunction. DISASTER! DISASTER!" a Frumpbot yelled. "See, yer software controlling all da fully robotic Frumpbots wuz also destroyed. MISTAKE!!!!!!!!!" BoB yelled. "I'll execute you myself!" Frump said, pulling a huge orange gun from under his wig. "Doing sumthin yourself? Dats a first. But now dat yer defenses are down, BoB can do dis," BoB said, and pressed a button on his remote. BoB's escape pod started materializing around him as Frump fired at BoB. The shot bounced off the escape pod forcefield, and hit the column of Frump's time machine, cracking it. The lights flickered in Frump's time machine, and the light in the column faded. Black and dark green energy started spilling out and whipping around, destroying things. "Dat energy will make dis place explode ya know. Ya really should be more careful with weaponz near dangerous time and space devices," BoB said, and pulled the dematerialization lever. "Celliri, BoB'z going to have to make a stop before we go to da next scape pod piece," BoB said.

BoB's escape pod materialized on a sidewalk, near a large line of people. "BoB'z gonna have to vote, and make sure Frump never getz elected," BoB said. "BoB, are you even a US citizen?" Celliri asked. "Yes. No. Probably. BoB have lots of cards by now for when people are saying BoB needz authorization, dare got to be at least one in dare datz right," BoB said. "By voting today, you have had a direct part in events, meaning you can't ever do anything about it if Trump wins," Celliri said. "Well, better den just letting it happen," BoB said, and stepped outside. "Dat'z a lot of people. Even a time machine can't help BoB avoid waiting fur hourz here," BoB said, getting in line and preparing for the hours long wait.

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