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Smiling mad, he's so happy

BoB in Rome (part 2)

Last week, as you recall, we left off at this paragraph, after BoB tried to fly his escape pod and got a crack in it:

More lightning came in the crack, and BoB decided he would have to seal up the gap from both sides. He held his roll of super duct tape in his teeth, and got to the doors. He opened one, and the force of the wind blew him so much, he flew out the door, but he managed to grab onto the closed one. Luckily for BoB, the doors only opened inwards, so he didn't just fly off. BoB managed to get on his feet, and held onto the spinning escape pod as tightly as he could. Lightning struck it, and the whole thing wobbled. BoB just managed to cling on, and moved closer. He inched towards the gap, and made it there. He held on with only one hand, and used a strip of duct tape. He put the duct tape on, and right before he tore that piece off, lightning hit his escape pod. The whole thing turned upside down, and BoB was weightless for a second...before he started to fall.


BoB was falling. He was afraid he would fall all the way down to the ground, but his roll of super duct tape stuck where he had put it, and since he didn't tear the piece off yet, he was dangling from his roll of duct tape. He stuck his foot in the loop, and used it to put himself upright. He started to climb up, and one hand slipped. BoB stuck his other hand to the sticky side of the tape, to make sure he wouldn't fall off, and got a grip on the tape with his other hand. After he climbed up, he started to pull his duct tape up after him.

Once he had his duct tape back, he started patching up the hole. BoB heard a rushing noise, and looked up. He saw that coming up ahead was a thousand foot fall, through a tube of fire. "BoB really better hurry up!" BoB said, and finished the outside. He got back through the doors, and shut them tight. He inched his way over to the crack in his spinning control room, and patched it up. BoB then jumped off the wall, and grabbed onto the console.

Everything lurched, and the whole control room was upside down. BoB started randomly pushing the buttons (that were now above his head), and the spinning slowed down. BoB looked up, and saw the button with the word "REmatErEaLize" written on it. BoB started using levers like monkey bars, and got under the button. BoB pressed it with his head, and he heard a wheezing noise.

"Good wurk BoB, ya should be very proud of yerself," BoB said to himself. "Why tank ya BoB, BoB think BoB did good two! But ya wood no dat, cuz yer BoB to!" BoB replied to himself. Suddenly, the control room flipped upside down, and BoB let go of the console. BoB calmly walked over to the doors, opened them, then shouted "ZACTLY LIKE BOB PLANNED, SEA? DAT WAS NO MISTAKE, DAT WUZ INTENTIONAL!" BoB walked out of his escape pod, tripped over a branch, and fell face first into the dirt. "NAOW DAT WUZ A ACCIDENT!" BoB yelled into the dirt.

BoB realized that he was right by where the feast was being held, and went into the building. "HOORAY!" yelled everybody in the building when BoB walked in. "Tank you, Tank you. Now, pleaze hold on to all applause intull BoB leaves da building!" BoB said, and sat down in a huge chair. As a servant brought out the first course, BoB looked at it, and made a disgusted face. 

"What iz dis ting? Don't ya have any real food?"BoB asked, and pushed the pig away. "Oh, you don't like the pig, my-" "DON'T EVEN SAY IT! DONUT EVEN THINK ABOUT SAYIN IT!" BoB screamed in the person's face. "I'll bring out some other food," said the person, and they ran off. 

An hour later, after all the food was brought out, BoB didn't want any of it, and just sat there, staring at it, like maybe that would turn it into something else. "DIS IS B-O-O-O-O-O-O-ORING! DIS PLACE IZ SO DULL! FOOD FIGHT!" BoB yelled, and threw a chunk of pig at someone. BoB picked up a goblet of wine, and threw it at someone else. "Hey, you jerk!" yelled someone else, and threw a chunk of pig at BoB, who opened his mouth and ate it. Pretty soon, it was a free-for-all, and BoB kept lunging through the air and eating everything he could. After the world's first food fight was over, BoB got back to his escape pod, and slept for the night. 

The next morning, BoB woke up, made himself a real breakfast of tin cans and hubcaps, and walked outside the escape pod. BoB remembered he needed to fix his DeLorean with a coatrack, and went right back inside. He walked right past a straight wooden pole, where a coat was hanging, walked up to his control panel, tore out a long metal pole that was supporting the ceiling, producing a shower of sparks in the process, and walked to his DeLorean. He rolled his DeLorean outside so he could work on it, and got under the car.

A couple of hours later, when he finally fixed it, he got out from under the DeLorean, only to see storm clouds. "Uh-oh. BoB'z DeLorean will get stuck in da mud, and BoB just took out the time travel tube in BoB'z Turdiz, so BoB can't time travel away!!!" BoB said. "But... BoB can put the 'skape pod in da DeLorean, den hit 88 miles per hour before it rainz..." BoB said, as he got in his escape pod. He dematerialized, and landed back in his DeLorean, and turned the key.

"My l-ER, I MEAN BOB, where are you going?" asked a Roman. "BoB needs ta get out of here before the rain comes, so BoB'z going. Ya won't ever see BoB again, so bye bye!" BoB said, as he ducked back inside his DeLorean, and tried to set the time circuits. There was a loud beeping noise, and BoB saw that it now said: Destination time: May 24th, 79 A.D. "Oopz... Look like BoB broke it so bad, it can only go 50 yearz at a time... Well, dat better den nothing..."

BoB got out of the Delorean so he could announce his departure, and saw everyone had gathered around. "Change of planz..." BoB said to the crowd. "If any of ya are alive in 50 years, you'll be seeing BoB again. WRITE DAT DOWN!" BoB yelled. One person ran off to write it down, and BoB continued his farewell speech. "Mark the spot where BoB diss appear, cause in fifty yearz, ya won't wanna be standing there. And now... BOB will PERFORM SUME MAGIC!" BoB yelled.

BoB got in his DeLorean, turned it on, and yelled "GET OUTTA DA WAY!!!" out the window, and honked the horn. The people cleared a path for BoB, and BoB hit the gas. "BoB should drive towards something and diss appear right before BoB hit it for traumatic affect..." BoB said as he drove straight at a building, and saw someone in his rearview mirror, chasing him with a stick, so he could mark the spot. "Dat wall won't be dare when BoB arrive!" BoB said to himself. "85...86...87...88 MILE PER HOUR!" BoB yelled, and saw a flash of light. BoB heard a crushing noise, and saw his DeLorean hit the wall, that was still standing 50 years later. "COULDN'T BOB BE RIGHT FOR ONCE???!" BoB yelled at the sky. "NOW BOB CAN'T TIME TRAVEL AWAY!!!"


To be continued...

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