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Smiling mad, he's so happy

BoB and the strange planet (part 2)

Last week, as you recall, BoB crash landed on a strange planet made of ice, where fire shot out of the ground. The emergency landing caused BoB's escape pod to change. BoB didn't like the new glass version, so he set out to find the pieces. He wandered around the planet, until an alien found BoB, and threatened to kill him.

"You have escaped the snare," the alien said. "You will die," it said, and pointed a blaster at BoB. BoB rolled to the side, and the blast missed, causing ice shards to fly everywhere. "Plan has failed. Initiate plan two," it said, and threw something at BoB. "Scuze BoB, but why you throw thingz at BoB? Cuz dat not nice, see? Did BoB do anything to you? Cuz ya should only do dat too bad guyz. Like politicanz! Do ya have politicanz here? Anyway, BoB not do anything to ya, so ya should leave BoB alone," BoB said. "You have offended the citizens of this planet," said the alien. "Oh yeah? By doing what?" BoB asked. "Existing. You are different than us. WE do not like that. Therefore, you must die," it said, and aimed its blaster at BoB. "Ooooh, nice. Ya very nice, aren't ya? YA DIFFERENT DAN US! SO DEN WE NOT LIKE!!!!! Dat all ya do, just like Trump!" BoB said, and kicked the alien in the face.

BoB ran towards his escape pod piece, but suddenly aliens burst out of the ground in front of him. They were made of many blocks of ice, forming the vague shape of a person. Inside their heads, there was a fire ball that BoB could see, which must have been their brain. "Calling for backup in sector 547863955-v-38540. Alien creature on the loose. It must be killed," the aliens said into some sort of radio. BoB pushed past the aliens in front of him, and kept running towards the escape pod piece. BoB was almost there, when ten more of the aliens rose up out of the ground less than fifteen feet away from him. They advanced on BoB, but suddenly fire shot out of the ground.

"Haha ya dum alienz! ya melted!" BoB said, and ran through the fire. He got to the escape pod piece, and picked it up. It was the bottom of the escape pod, but somehow BoB managed to pick it up and not drop it. "Celliri, what BoB do now?!" BoB asked. "Run back to the escape pod. The location has been put in your map," Celliri said. "Celliri, how BoB get there if there killy monsters in da way?" BoB said, as he ran towards the aliens. "Your best solution would be to run," Celliri said. "Celliri, can't ya just take off and land next to BoB? Or at least on da other side of da killy monsterz?" BoB asked. "Route recalculating. Turn right. If you reach your destination, congratulations. You were not killed," Celliri said. BoB turned right, and kept running, only to see a huge hill, with a red speck that must have been his escape pod near the bottom. "COULDN'T YA JUST LAND ANYWHERE ELSE?" BoB yelled, and turned around. He saw the aliens coming closer, and got an idea. He put the escape pod piece under him, ran, and jumped.

"HAHAHA YA DUM ALIENZ! BOB FASTER DAN YA!" BoB yelled, sliding down the hill on his escape pod piece. The aliens shot lasers at him, and BoB leaned to one side. "Celliri, open da scape pod doorz!" BoB yelled. BoB lined himself up with the escape pod as best he could, and turned to look at the aliens. He saw that lots of them were chasing him, sliding like penguins.  BoB looked ahead of him, and saw that the base of his old escape pod was too wide to fit through the doors of his new escape pod. Just as BoB was about to smack into the his escape pod, he grabbed both sides of the escape pod piece he was using as a sled, and put all his weight on one side. This caused the piece to lean, with one side rising up, and BoB fit through the doors. He heard the doors close behind him, followed by the thump of an alien hitting the door. BoB's sled kept its momentum, and he pulled the dematerialization lever as it slid by the control panel.

The column in the middle of the console rose and fell as his escape pod made its wheezing noises, and BoB took off the space suit. BoB looked out the glass door, and saw that the planet outside seemed to be fading away, replaced with a tunnel of blue energy. "All right Celliri, dat one piece down! Now letz go to da next one, and hope dare a lack of evil killy thingz!" BoB said. "But there aways seem to be evil killy things, no matter where we go..." said Celliri, as the column rose and fell again, and the tunnel outside started to fade away.

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