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Smiling mad, he's so happy

The Tower

"It seemz like it'z takin furever," BoB said, pacing around the control room, as the moving parts inside the central column rose and fell. "Afterall, we iz just tracing a call, how long can it take?" BoB said, looking at the monitor attached to the column. "There appears to be something slowing time down, slowing down the Escape Pod," Celliri said. Without warning, a bright purple light burst through the floor under the column of the control room, illuminating everything and tinting it slightly purple. The column started to rise and fall, but it was stuttering. Instead of the usual noise, it made a sound more like a stuttering car engine. "Celliri, wat'z happening?" BoB said, dashing around the controls. "We appear to be caught in some kind of tractor beam," Celliri said, as the noise grew faster. "Da controlz aren't wurkin!" BoB yelled as the noise grew louder and faster. The Escape Pod was shaking violently as the column returned to its usual pace, and the materialization noise roared louder than ever throughout the room.

The light had faded as the Escape Pod materialized, and everything seemed normal. BoB got back up off the floor, and looked around the room, inspecting it for damage. When he saw it was just the same as before, he walked to the door, and opened it inwards. Right outside, there was a person with some sort of gun, pointed directly at his face. "And hello to you too," BoB said, looking at the gun. "Fine weather we're havin," BoB said, calmly walking past the person, and shutting the escape pod door. "Actually, we might not be havin weather, who knowz. Do we have weather?" BoB asked, turning back towards the person with the gun. "You are under arrest for-" started the person, but BoB interrupted. "Fur what? Parking violation? Illegal breathin? Or do ya just not like BoB very much?" BoB asked. "You are under arrest for materialization of a time machine upon the premises." said the police alien. "Well, itz not like dare wuz much choice, wuz dare?" BoB said. "Who set dat up anyway? Why would dey want to drag time machinez in here if dey don't want dem parking here?" BoB asked, pacing around the room and examining it.

The floor was made of a dull, dark grey metal. It was an irregular shape, seemingly having no symmetry. The walls were made up of hexagonal columns, interlinked in no real pattern. The columns were made of an even darker grey metal, with emerald green stripes on every corner of them. There were a couple of tunnels, but they were too poorly lit to be able to see more than a few feet in. The ceiling was black, and seemed to show either stars or lights in it, though it was too high up to be sure. The only feature of the room was a slightly raised platform that BoB's Escape Pod had landed on, where the police alien was still standing, angered that BoB didn't seem afraid of him. "You will be silent, and be taken to the project leader for questioning," shouted the police alien. "Oh, he wants to answer sum questionz? Good," BoB saind, hopping back up onto the raised floor. "No, you will be questioned. Don't you know how this works?" asked the furious alien."Yes, and it usually doez end up with BoB askin da questionz. Now, come on, quick, ya gotta take BoB to yer leader," BoB said, letting himself be led away.

BoB was led down a few passageways, and then into a large grey room. Its walls, floor, and ceiling were all painted a dark grey, and seemed to be made out of stone. On the right side of the room were two normal looking jail cells, with a wall of metal bars dividing them. The bars were made of the same dark grey metal as the walls in the room BoB had landed in. As the police alien closed the cell door behind him, BoB looked around the cell. The only thing in it was a slab of metal welded to the wall, which had a mattress and a bright red blanket on top of it. It was obviously intended to only be a temporary holding cell, presumably to hold people before a trial. Within minutes the police  officer returned, with someone else behind him. The new alien looked like a normal person. He was slightly overweight, with grey hair and a moustache.

BoB jumped up from where he had sat down on the bed, and rushed over the cell door. "Hello, yer hear fur questionin, right?" BoB said, reaching through the bars to shake the old alien's hand. "Well, BoB haz sum questionz fur ya, so it'z a good thing ya came. Question one iz: why do ya have a tractor beam directly into time? Question two: Why do ya just throw dem in jail as soon as they show up? Doezn't it ever occur to ya dat if someone has a time machine, dey might also be able to open a lock? And question three: Why are ya so unprepared fur when sumone doez show up? Dis cell iz old. Everythin in it is covered in dust," BoB said, rubbing his foot across the floor and wiping away dust. "Da barz are rustin. Dat lock seemz very out of date. And while da cop did arrest BoB, he didn't seem very prepared. It took him a couple uv minutez before he was yellin and angry, before dat he just seemed shocked," BoB said, looking at the cop.

"So it really works?" said the grey haired alien." "So wat really wurkz?" BoB asked. "Look, doez BoB need to ask ya doez questionz again? Did ya stop listening?" BoB asked. "The Timenet, the thing you were brought here by, it must work," said the alien. "If ya mean a big purple light thingy, den yes, it wurked. Why? Did ya expect it not to?" BoB asked. "You came here in a time machine though. You must be able to help us. Please, you must help us," said the alien. "Well, BoB could help a lot better if BoB wuzn't in a cell," BoB said. "Oh of course, sorry. Officer please release him," said the alien. "I'm the project leader," said the alien, holding out his hand. "BoB'z BoB, time traveler and profeshinal sign inspector," BoB said, shaking the project leader's hand over-enthusiastically. "So, dis project, wat iz it?" BoB said. "Ah, yes, follow me then," the project leader said, walking of. BoB followed him, with the police officer right behind him.

BoB was led through identical corridors, until they came to a small balcony-like room. Is was mostly made of glass, with the front of it having a panel covered in screens and keyboards. It overlooked a room filled with people in lab coats. The room was very large, with walls made out of the same grey metal as everywhere else. There were rows of computer desks with scientists working at them, and on the far wall was a blue tinted computer screen.

"This is where we made our calculations for the flight," the project leader said. "Wat iz da flight? Yer not being very useful here," BoB said. "A long time ago, scientists realized that very soon, our sun would warm up too much, destroying our planet. We set to building this whole building out of the toughest material on the planet. It could withstand a nuclear blast, we hoped it would be enough to keep us safe. This building, the Tower, holds every single person that lived on the planet. But as we were loading everything else into the Tower, the planet's surface had gotten too warm to go outside. We had underestimated how long the Tower would take to build. Some vital supplies hadn't managed to be brought inside, including some vital parts needed in the machines to keep growing food forever. We had enough to get them running, but over time the replacements broke down. We're slowly growing worse and smaller crops every year, with no way to fix it. We can't go outside, the entire planet is burned. It's been so long, space around the planet is far too warm. We don't have enough materials to build a ship large enough to save everyone and able to withstand the heat." "Ah. So ya figured if ya could make a time machine, ya could get off da planet before it ever burned, or at least rescue enough materialz to be able to build a big enough ship," BoB said.

"Only sumthin went wrong, didn't it? Somewun here did dare math wrong, and da test ship got thrown off into time," BoB said. "Yes. The boss demanded we speed up the project, without regards for consequences. Somewhere along the line, someone messed up. The ship was lost, and now we have no hope of being saved." "So ya wurked out a way to launch a tractor beam into time, and pull out da first passing ship ya could, and hope dey'd help ya," BoB said. "What? No," said the project leader, looking suprised. "No? Wat do ya mean no? Ya can't mean no, BoB'z alwayz right. Well, sumtimez right," BoB said. "The Timenet was launched to capture the ship when it came back around." "Came back around? Wat do ya mean?" BoB asked. "We have discovered  that time is all a closed loop. At the end of time, when the last thing disappears from reality, a big bang will happen, creating the start of the universe all over again," said the project leader. "What? Are all yer scientists stupid or sumthin? Sure, there may be somthin dat createz a new universe at the end of time, but it won't create dis universe!" BoB yelled. "Yer never going to catch them, because dare never goin to come back around. Ya just sent doze people, and yer only meanz of escape, fallin back through time towardz da begining of da universe," BoB said. "Who decided dat wuz a good plan?" BoB asked, angrily. "I did. I have been given the highest authority in the Tower, because unless the project succeeds, we're all doomed," said the project leader.

"But you can save all of us. You can go back in time to bring us the materials before the planet was burned," said the project leader. "No, BoB can't. BoB'z landed here, and iz part of events now. If da past iz changed, dis will have never happened. It will create a paradox. Really, how dumb are yer scientists?" BoB said. "But surely you can at least stop the flight from ever taking off in the first place, right?" "No. It'z already happened, and ya can't change dat. Da only thing BoB can do iz get dem off da ship after dey've taken off," BoB said. "But how will that help save all of us?" asked the project leader. "It won't. But at least den dey will be safe fur now. BoB will try to bring back any equipment off da ship BoB can, but dat'z all dat can be done. Den BoB will come back, and try and think up a new plan." "Very well. I'll switch off the Timenet," the project leader said, going to the far end of the balcony and messing with the controls.

BoB was led back to his Escape Pod, and opened the door. "How will you find the ship?" asked the project leader. "Ah, dat'z a good question," BoB said. "Hang on, back in a second," BoB said, shuttng the door. Seconds later, the Escape Pod was dematerializing, as the bright light shining from the inside slowly faded brighter and darker. Just as it had disappeared completely, it started to rematerialize. BoB burst out of the door. "Did you save them?" asked the project leader. "No not yet, BoB had to share da brilliant thing BoB just did," BoB said. "See, BoB can't change events ya know happened, but BoB can change events nobody knowz happened. So, since ya never mentioned if dare wuz, say, a tracking device dat could measure exactly when in time da ship wuz, BoB could put dat on da ship, as long as no one saw BoB," BoB said. "And now dat BoB'z shared BoB'z brilliance with ya, BoB'z off," BoB said, leaping back into his Escape Pod. "Be back in five minutez," BoB said, shutting the door. The Escape Pod once again started to dematerialize with a loud wheezing, scraping noise, and faded out of existence.

"Now, becuze we're movin through time to get to da ship which iz also travelin through time, day're goin in real time in comparisun to da Escape Pod," BoB said, pushing the engines to full power. In the central column the poles were rising and falling quicker, and the engines were roaring. Sparks shot out of one side of the control panel as the room shook. On the screen, BoB could see the ship ahead of them, tumbling through time, with seemingly no control. The Escape Pod started to land, and the view was replaced with a metal wall. BoB opened the door, and saw he was in an empty room, barely large enough to hold the Escape Pod. BoB pressed a button on a small control panel on the wall he was facing, and the door slid open. "Who are you?" Yelled someone from BoB's left. BoB looked, and saw someone wearing a blue jumpsuit with orange lines on it, pointing a huge gun at him. "Hello to ya too. Iz da only way people can introduce demselvez by pointin gunz at BoB?" "How did you get on this ship?" asked the crew member. "Well, ya see, it'z quite a funny story. See, BoB wuz sent here frum da future to save ya and da ship, becuze yer scientists are all incredibly stupid, so yer accidentally being sent to the begining of da universe, where ya will disintigrate into nothin," BoB said. "Whats so funny about that?" asked the crew member. "Ya mean ya don't find dat funny? Good. Den ya might want to listen to BoB," BoB said.

BoB walked towards the crew member, and then right past him as he raised his gun again. "Where do you think you're going?" he asked. "To da front of da ship, where everybody else iz, and where da controlz are. Come on," BoB said, running down the narrow corridor. "I can still shoot you," said the crew mwmber. "Well hurry up already, BoB doezn't have all day. But seeing az how BoB'z yer only hope of getting off dis ship before ya disintegrate into before time, maybe ya should consider not doin dat," BoB said. BoB had come to a door at the end of the passage, and opened it up. On the other side was a huge room. The floor was beige metal, with little bumps on it. The front of the ship was a huge window taking up most of the ceiling too. The part of the ceiling what wasn't a window was silver, with small lights in it, lighting up the whole room. At the very front of the ship were the controls, on a huge dashboard. In front of it was a leather chair mounted in a groove in the floor, presumably to allow it to roll along the rail so one person could operate the controls.

"Attention crew memberz!" BoB yelled as he dashed into the room. "Ware currently headed back towardz da beginning of da universe in an out of control ship with no wayz of actually flying it, but don't worry, becauze BoB'z here, and it would probably be greatly appreciated if ya don't shoot BoB," BoB said. "Who in the world are you, and how did you get on this time ship?" asked one of the two crew members in the room. "Never mind dat, ask yer friend with da gun," BoB said. "Now you know what's interestin? Da fact dat dis ship wuz only built in two dayz. Anyone care to explain dat?" BoB asked. "How did you know that?" asked the crew member with the gun. "BoB looked ya up on da way hear," BoB said. "Might it have sumthin to do with da thingz all three of ya are carrying on yer beltz? BoB asked, grabbing one out of a crew member's belt. Wat iz this?" BoB asked, waving it around. "It's a tool used to build things. It scans every atom of something, deconstructs it, and then can accurately rebuild it somewhere else. You can set it to specifically what you'd like to build if you have blueprints," said the crew member with a gun. "Good. What ya need to do iz take az much of dis ship apart az possible. Every piece iz important. We need to get az much az possible back to da tower," BoB said. "But first, someone needz to show BoB da power room," BoB said.

The power room was just down the hall. On the way there, a crew member had explained that the engine was using a new experimental form of power that was decaying, probably because it was surrounded by time energy all around the ship. The power source was the only thing lit up in the dark room. Tubes hung from the ceiling, lit by the bright white light in the center of the room. BoB pulled the Universal Remote out of his pocket, and hit the rewind button. "What did you do?" asked the crew member, as the light grew stronger. "It'z a Universal Remote. It can use limited time effectz, such as temporarily rewinding sumthin back in time fur a while. Unfortuneately, da power source iz still decaying, and it will keep gettin faster until the time effect warez off," BoB explained, leaving the room and heading back to the front of the ship.

"Hey, you can't touch those controls," the crew member said to BoB, who was now sitting in the chair by the controls. "Well, if ya wanted to not be blasted back before time, den sure, but ya probably didn't want that, did ya?" BoB said, trying to steer the ship. "Da problem iz, both da end and da begining of time are like black holez to time machinez. If ya get too close, the pull of it will suck ya in and destroy da ship," BoB said, trying to turn the ship around. BoB put the thrusters up to full power, and the ship started to shake and rattle. "Not enough of da ship haz been deconstructed. We'll never get away in time. BoB will have ta find another way to save dat planet," BoB said, hitting a button to talk on the ship's speakers. "Everyone, get back to da front of da ship az fast as possible. We'll never escape in dis ship, but BoB'z should make it. It'z hidden in a small room. Just look fer da red phone booth, ya can't miss it unless yer incredibly stupid," BoB said, getting up from the controls.

Minutes later, all three crew members were inside the Escape Pod, and BoB took off. After a few minutes of whezing and groaning, the Escape Pod landed again.

"Dey'll be happy to see ya, don't worry. BoB wuz only gone fur about five minutes anyway," BoB said, throwing the Escape Pod door open. Outside, a large group of police officers were gathered. They all pointed they're guns at BoB in unison. "Or maybe a bit longer then five minutes," BoB said quietly to himself.


To be continued.

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