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Smiling mad, he's so happy

BoB Causes a Time Distortion

As BoB's escape pod flew through the paradox, sparks flew out of the control panel, and the lights turned off for a second. "Celliri, wat happenin?" BoB asked as the lights turned back on. "We are nearing the end of the paradox. As we get nearer to the end, it becomes more dangerous to fly through here," Celliri said. BoB looked out the door, and saw that there was black lightning shooting out the sides of the tunnel. "BoB, take the controls, and don't let that lightning touch us. If it does, the systems will be overloaded, and we won't be able to land," Celliri said. BoB grabbed the joystick, and pushed forwards on it. BoB dodged lightning blasts, but up ahead, the tunnel of energy started to warp. "Celliri, iz dat da exit?" BoB asked. There was a loud ripping sound, and a gap of purple energy started to appear in the walls. "BoB, keep flying straight, and don't stop," Celliri said. BoB pushed the joystick completely forwards, and they shot off. BoB flew over the widening gap, but it seemed to start pulling them in. "BoB, press the turbo booster!" Celliri said, and BoB pressed a button. They moved forwards slowly, but then they were being sucked slowly backwards again into the purple energy. The escape pod shook, and the column started to rise and fall because they were landing.

"Celliri, wat iz dat purple stuff?" BoB asked. "That is time being disrupted. Two points in time somehow collided with each other, and disrupted time. The place we are now and the other point in time that touch are bound together. At any time out there, you could be transported to the other point in time. It can only happen a certain number of times, so you have to be fast in getting the escape pod piece, or you'll be stranded away from the escape pod," Celliri said. "But woodunt whoever lives here get teleported to?" BoB asked. "No BoB. You've traveled here in time, so you're the only one that will be affected," Celliri said. "But woodunt da scape pod be teleported to? Why BoB need to be fast about it?" BoB asked. "The escape pod is a time machine. Once it lands, it will stay in that time until it takes off again. That's why you have to be fast, or you'll be stranded in whatever other time, with no way to escape," Celliri said. "Right. Dat not good," BoB said, and walked towards the door.

BoB opened the door, and saw a castle,with guards patrolling it. "Well, BoB in medieval timez den," BoB said. BoB felt something very sharp poke into his back. "What are you doing here?" said a voice from behind BoB. "Oh, hi there Mr. Voice With Pokey Things Poking BoB," BoB said. "BoB just came here becuz BoB's scape pod crashed here, and BoB needs to get BoB's time machine piece back, which your castle probably has, and, uh... Ya have no idea what BoB sayin, right?" "You responsible for this magically appearing box of witchcraft?" The voice asked. "No. It a time machine, see, and it bring BoB here... ya probably think BoB iz crazy don't ya?" BoB said. "Yes. Any connection to the portal in the sky then?" Asked the voice. BoB looked up, and saw a huge gap in the sky, like someone ripped the sky open. Inside was the orange energy of the paradox, but it was slowly being turned purple. "No, BoB actually haz no relatiun too dat." "Right. Nice try," said the voice, and BoB was poked in the back. "Get going," the voice said. "Where BoB going?" BoB asked. "To the dungeon with you, witch." "Of course. Ya know, BoBz alwayz in dungonz. It da first thing people say to BoB. 'Hello!' 'To da dungeon with ya!' Iz dis a common occurrence for people?" BoB asked, as he was led away. 

BoB was led over a drawbridge and through a garden, before going down some stairs and into a cell.

The guard who had led BoB here locked the cell, and started to walk off. "Hey, wen BoB gettin out here? Don't BoB get a trial?" BoB asked. "You get tossed in  a barrel, and thrown in a river. If you sink, you aren't a witch, and if you float, you get burned at the stake," said the guard. "Dat no exactly fair dough, iz it? BoB either burns or drownz? Dat not very good optionz," BoB said as the guard walked away. "Celliri, how BoB get outta here?" BoB asked. "You wait," said Celliri from BoB's watch. "Dat helpful," BoB said. Around BoB, the air seemed to shake, and everything started dimming, until everything was black. BoB started to fall, and colors started to swirl around him in the dark. Color started to come back, and BoB slowly stopped falling. BoB looked around, and saw he was still in the cell. "Celliri, wat happen?" BoB asked. "You passed through a time disruption. You are now four hundred years in the future, on the other end of the time disruption," Celliri said. BoB kicked at the rusted bars in the cell, and they fell out with a clang. "Ha! BoB free!" BoB yelled. BoB ran up the stairs he was led down, and came out in the courtyard, where all the grass was withered and brown. "Celliri, wherez da scape pod piece?" BoB asked. "In the highest tower," Celliri said. "Course  it iz," BoB said. BoB walked across the courtyard, and into the entrance of the castle.

BoB started walking down the vine covered hallway, and saw a broken spiraling staircase. Suddenly, everything tuned black again, and BoB started falling. When color returned, the staircase was repaired in front of BoB. "BoB back now, right?" BoB asked. "Yes. you went through another time disruption," Celliri said. "Uh oh. Sumone comin," BoB said. BoB heard footsteps behind him, and ran up the stairs. A guard jumped out in front of him, and sun his sword. "STOP! BoB have weapon to!" BoB yelled, and pulled out the first thing he could from his smaller-on-the-outside pockets. BoB looked, and saw it was a banana. "Oh. Never mind den," BoB said. "Banana? It very fresh. It haven't even been planted yet actually! It planted couple hundred years in da future, so it real fresh," BoB said, and peeled the banana.  BoB ate the banana, and threw the peel at the guard's face. "IT AN ALIEN! IT EAT YER FACE! RUN!" BoB yelled, and pushed the guard down the stairs. BoB continued running up the stairs. When he got to the top, he kicked the door open, and saw the room was empty.

"Celliri, wat happen?" BoB asked. "You are in the wrong tower BoB. You took a wrong turn," Celliri said. "Wear iz da thing den?" BoB asked. "It is in the dining hall." "Why it go dare?" BoB asked. "Because it is. The only reason it is in the tallest tower is because sometime between now and 400 years in the future, someone put it there, and must have forgot about it," Celliri said. BoB ran down the stairs, ran down a hall, and found two huge wooden double doors. "Iz dis da place Celliri?" BoB asked. "Yes BoB. It seems there are people in there though, so watch out when you go-" Celiri said, as BoB swung the doors open. "-In." BoB saw everyone was looking at him. "Hello! Dis BoB! BoB just here late because BoB'z invatation got here real slow. You know wat ya should have? Email. It great! Much better dan peplez on horsez! Anyway, BoB wuz totally invited, so ya can all go back to eating!" BoB said, and tried to find a seat. BoB saw a space next to two people, and squeezed in. "Hi. How it goin?" BoB asked. Both the people sitting next to BoB got up and left. "Good! More room for BoB den!" BoB yelled.

"Hey, buddy, could ya pass dat turkey?" BoB asked the person sitting next to him. BoB grabbed the entire turkey, and started chewing on it. "Dis chicken isn't bad fur something not metal," BoB said. "Ya know wat dey should be servin here? Nutz. Not walnutz, but da metal kind. Doze good. Specially if dey gold. Gold iz da tastiest. Da king could probably ford gold, right?" The person BoB was talking to got up and left. BoB scooted closer to the person sitting on the other side of him, and started talking. That person left, too. BoB kept scooting over and talking to everyone, but they all kept leaving. Eventually, BoB got to the last person sitting next to him. "Hey, wat dis feast for even?" BoB asked. "It's for the enchanted artifact we found today. The king says it will bring good luck," the person said. "So if BoB come here in a time machine, it witchcraft, but if da king find somethin, it enchanted? Guess peoplez with power always could be hippocritz den," BoB said. He looked over, and saw the person he was sitting next to was gone.

BoB ate everything at the table, since there was nobody else there to eat it. Suddenly, the king stood up, and started talking. "Today, we had this feast to celebrate the finding of this enchanted artifact. It will surely bring us good luck, and lots of gold! And now, here it is," The king said, and lifted up a glowing piece of red wood. "HEY! Dat BoB'z scape pod piece!" BoB said, standing on the table. "No, it is an enchanted artifact of good luck!" said the king. "Dat doezn't mean it not BoB'z. Plus why it enchanted den?" BoB asked. "Well, it's enchanted because it's all... glowey?" the king said. "So anythin dat gloez iz enchanted den? Dat enough fur you? Cuz den flashlightz iz enchanted too, right? Never mind don't answer dat. Ya haven't seen flashlightz yet, have ya? Anyway, can BoB have BoB'z scape pod piece back pleeze?" BoB said. "No, you may not! It is my property, because I found it," said the king. BoB jumped off the table, and grabbed the escape pod piece out of the kings hand. BoB noticed a lot of guards with crossbows pointed at him.

"Oh, BoB not supposed to do dat?" BoB said. "Freeze, or you get shot!" said one guard. "Ya couldn't shoot some magical BoB dough, could ya?" BoB asked, as he grabbed a flashlight out of one of his pockets, and shined it at himself. One of the guards crossbow bolts just barely missed him. "Oh, come on! A second ago glowed thingz wuz magical!" BoB said as he ran out a side exit. BoB kept running, until he got to another staircase. He ran up it, but saw a guard. "Oh, hi, dare no need to attack BoB," BoB said to the guard. "BoB have permission to be here frum da king. Smappy BoB: Professional Castle Inspector here. Let BoB get BoB'z card..." BoB said, reaching in his smaller-on-the-outside pockets. BoB suddenly pushed the guard down the stairs, and kept running. Everything started to go black, and BoB started to fall again.

"Oh, dat actually a good time fur dat to happen," BoB said. "Celliri, iz dis da tallest tower?" BoB asked. "Yes BoB. It is. And the good news is, there is no escape pod piece detected here," Celliri said. "Why dat good?" BoB asked. "Because that means you got the escape pod piece, and we can get out of here," Celliri said. BoB walked slowly to the top of the tower, catching his breath. He opened the door at the top of the staircase, and saw an almost empty room, with a couple of stones missing from the floor. BoB hopped over the gaps, and looked out the window, which was just a hole in the wall with bars surrounding it, no glass at all.

He saw it was a long way down. "Celliri, BoB stuck up here, right?" BoB asked. "Yes BoB. The guards will come up those stairs, and you'll be trapped in this room," Celliri said. "Doez BoB have enough time to get back down the stairz?" BoB asked. "No BoB. The next time disruption will occur in forty-five seconds," Celliri said. BoB looked at the window again, and had an idea. He tore off the grate covering the window, and climbed out onto the ledge. "BoB, this is dangerous," Celliri warned. BoB reached inside his smaller-on-the-outside pockets, and pulled out a thin, metallic rope. "BoB, that is the emergency tether from the control room. It is meant to stay there, in case of an emergency where you might have to leave the escape pod, hence the name." "Dis count az a mergencey," BoB said. "Plus, BoB have more in da scape pod anyway, it no dig deal," BoB said, as everything went black, and he started to fall.

BoB looked around, and saw he was back in the past, with the metal bars still covering the window. BoB attached the tether to the bars, and took a picture of himself just as the door opened.

"How'd he get out there?" asked one of the guards. "BoB'z out here, ya can't get BoB!" BoB said. One of the guards pointed their crossbow at BoB. "OH, ya can. But not now!" BoB said, as he backed out off the ledge.

Luckily for BoB, the ledge was so large, the guards couldn't stick their crossbows out far enough to hit him. The rope pulled back on BoB as it reached its full length, and BoB dangled ten feet off the ground. Below BoB was a muddy circle, which looked like he could use it as padding. BoB cut himself loose, and fell right through the mud, into a pit below.

"Ooh, nice idea fur a trap," BoB said. Everything started to black again, and BoB fell. "Oh, dat wuz fast," BoB said as he fell though time in the void. 

"Celliri, dat not take long at all befoure BoB wuz falling through time," BoB said. "No BoB. That's bad. The gap in time is healing itself, and the time disruptions are getting closer together. Only a few more, and the gap will be fully healed, and you'll be stuck in whatever time. You have to hurry BoB," Celliri said. "Thanks Celliri, dat helful." BoB reached around in his pockets, and found a grappling hook. "Why BoB carry grappling hookz?" BoB asked himself. "Well, guess it a good thin BoB does," BoB said as he shot it off. He climbed the rope, and pulled it up after him, sticking it back in his pocket. "BoB, quick, go! Get out of here!" Celliri said, and BoB ran off. BoB got to the front gate, and ran off, only to find the drawbridge was rotted and unusable. BoB waited a couple of seconds, and started to fall again. "Well, dat one way ta do it," BoB said as color started to return.

BoB ran across the drawbridge, and towards his escape pod. "BoB, systems indicate there will only be one more time distortion," Celliri said. "So BoB'll be stranded in the future den?" BoB asked, running at top speed. "Yes BoB. You have to get into the escape pod, then you'll be safe. You have less than thirty seconds to get there though BoB." "BOB SEEZ IT! UNLOCK DA SCAPE POD DOOR CELLIRI!" BoB said, almost there. BoB grabbed a hold of the door handle, and everything flickered for a second.

"Oh no," BoB said, as he saw the dust covered control room. He looked outside, and saw nobody chasing him. "No no no no no," BoB said, running his hand over the dust covered control panel. BoB walked outside, and saw the same rip in the sky as there was four hundred years in the past. "Oh, you think yer funny?" BoB yelled up into the tear in the sky.  out here, "Ya think yer funny, time? Distortin', teleport BoB away at the last possible second, stranding BoB fourhundred years away from everything? Well yer not. BoB won't be stayin here fur much longer, thank ya very much, time," BoB said, and walked into his escape pod. He pulled the dematerialization lever, and the central column rose. The lights on the walls turned on, very dimly, but flickered off again; the column fell, and nothing happened. 

"So ya think ya can do this to BoB, time?" BoB yelled into the rip in the sky. Thunder came echoing out from the gap. "Ya can't!" BoB said, running back into his escape pod. BoB opened a secret panel, and got one of the metallic emergency tethers out of it. BoB opened another one, which had a nozzle inside of it. BoB stuck a balloon on it, and tuned it on. "It'z a good thin BoB has dis," BoB said to himself. BoB took the balloon, and tied it. "Good thin BoB has helium, huh time? BoB had dat in dare for if BoB ever need to throw a party, but dat not much use when yer stranded in.. wat, the sixteen hudredz? How ya gonna throw a party den?" BoB asked, now under his control panel, messing with the wires. BoB shut the paneling under the wires, and walked outside. "Ya think BoB want ta be here, four hundred years frum BoB'z time, and from a workin scape pod? Good of ya to make dat decision, time," BoB said, tying the tether around the balloon. "Good thing BoB has an idea den," BoB said, letting the balloon float up. "After all, watz four hundred years wen ya have a time machine? Sure, it not work much now, but it could with just a little more power running through it. Watz four hundred years wen ya have a time machine, a balloon, wire, and a power source..." BoB said. "One right above yer head?" BoB said, as black lightning surged through the wire, and directly into the control panel. BoB dashed inside, and pulled the dematerialization lever.

"Wen ya have a time machine and need to save yerself, da only thin ya need iz an idea, and sum luck!" BoB yelled as the door swung closed. The column rose and fell, stalling. BoB kicked the control panel, and the normal wheezing occurred, louder than normal as the escape pod tried to take off. The lights on the walls flashed, but were barely noticeable because they were so dim. The wheezing stopped, and BoB grabbed the dust covered joystick. BoB steered through the purple energy, lightning blasts grazing the escape pod. One hit the glass door, and cracks appeared in the glass. BoB steered through the tunnel, until he saw a narrow gap ahead. He flew through it, and was in the paradox again. BoB checked the navigation, and pulled the lever. "Dare time! Wat ya think of dat? Four hundred years, traveled by an ancient wooden box! Bob traveled four hundred yearz, all becuz of a balloon, a string, and an idea!" BoB said, as the wheezing ended. The whole room was starting to glow orange and turn hot. BoB ran outside, and saw his old escape pod sitting there. BoB hopped in it, and shut the door. 

"BoB, you got caught in a time distortion! How did you get b- oh no. BoB, we have to get out of here, now," Celliri said. "BoB know, BoB know!" BoB said, and pulled the lever. BoB looked outside, and saw the future escape pod was steaming with purple energy, and paint peeled completely off in some spots. Orange energy started to come out, just like in the paradox. "BoB, you shouldn't have done that. That escape pod will explode in a few seconds, causing another paradox," Celliri said. "Iz dat wat da orange energy iz? Paradox?" BoB asked. "Yes," Said Celliri. The future escape pod was letting off more and more orange energy, and it was steaming up into the sky. The escape pod was blasting out energy, which was all around it. There was a surge of energy, and the future escape pod was gone, and BoB's escape pod disappeared. If it had been there a second longer, BoB would have seen the energy fly into the rift in the sky, and seal it shut.

"BoB, you have caused a paradox," Celliri said. "So? BoB wuz already in a paradox," BoB said. "That's the problem, BoB. We caused a paradox, inside a paradox. This in turn will create another paradox, and so on. We have now crated an infinite tunnel of paradoxes inside each other," Celliri said. "So wat?" BoB said. "And we're about to go right through them," Celliri said as the control room shook. BoB looked out the window, and saw them fly from one tunnel, into another that appeared in the side. They were then yanked into another tunnel on the side of this paradox, and it kept happening. "Wat we gonna do Celliri?" BoB asked. "We can't escape these paradoxes by flying. If we continue to tumble, we'll just be caught here endlessly. But there is one tiny amount of time when we're in between paradoxes, that we might be able to get out of here. Right as we pass through paradoxes, we are basically nowhere. If we dematerialize right then, we might be able to escape these paradoxes." "Okay den, give BoB a countdown," BoB said, grabbing the lever. "Three... two... one..." BoB pulled the lever, and the lights on the walls shone as bright as they could.

"Did we make it?" BoB asked as the lights dimmed again. BoB looked outside, and saw it was the blue energy outside, instead of the paradox. "Yes! Alright Celliri, take BoB to da next scape pod piece!" BoB said, pulling the lever again. 

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